K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
