I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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