A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
