I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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