we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
