Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize