just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
