Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
