I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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