Sacagawea was the original milf.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
