I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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