I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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