My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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