M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
