I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
