wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
