watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
