I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
