Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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