One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We need to get me chipped asap
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
