fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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