btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
