Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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