I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
