Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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