my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
