saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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