Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
