she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
