is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
