babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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