Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
