You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
