my sisters under your porch take her home
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize