Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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