that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize