How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
