I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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