did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
