I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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