Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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