I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
