Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
