I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize