you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
