So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
