dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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