wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
