you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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