how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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