I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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