If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
