ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
