That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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