I wish my penis had an off switch
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
