Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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