i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
