the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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