some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i think im in europe. pls send help
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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