We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
