goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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