hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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