he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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