what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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