watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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