he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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