Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
