I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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