come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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