just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
