New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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