if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
