you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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